i love you

being christian means CHRIST like or like CHRIST (redundant?)
it doesn't mean judge/hypocrite/mocker/condescending/fearful/apathetic/lukewarm. it doesn't just mean getting dressed up once a week to act like your life is flawless or anywhere near flawless. it doesn't just mean living a moral life. it doesn't just mean having all the right answer for everyone. it doesn't mean being happy all the time. it doesn't mean you have to beat yourself up if you fall. it doesn't mean you won't.
lately i've been not associating myself with "christians" because of all of that. i say i believe in love; which i still very much do, but i'm realizing i am a christian. it's sad and pathetic that part of me is still embarassed to say that. to feel the need to explain and excuse myself to break away from what it's become. when did we become such a joke?? well i'm done with that embarassment. i'm taking back that name. and reclaiming it. Christian does not mean Westboro church. that's a bold-faced lie. believe it or not the first christians didn't call themselves that. they didn't give themselves that title. other people did. other people saw how they acted and heard how they spoke and bestowed this lovely nickname upon them which means verbatim: CHRIST-like. so uhh...basically these people acted like Him. CHRIST met people where they were at. The thief, the prostitute, the doubter, the one with the quick temper, the traitor, the failures, the losers, the sick, the monsters, the freaks, the average, the above-average, the rich, the well-educated, the poor. He looked past what they were and loved them; saw them. He didn't judge them or condemn them or hate them or speak with them in a condescending tone. He ate lunch with them. He asked them for water. He washed their feet. He healed their friends and family. He stood up for them. He had their backs when everyone else made fun of them or judged them. He genuinely cared for them. He wanted better for them. He helped them figure things out. He didn't see their shame, their sin, their past, even their present. He didn't expect them to go learn the Torah or know everything. He didn't expect them to have their lives all figured out and flawless. He didn't remind them of their faults and He indefinitely didn't throw it back in their face. He was understanding. He was everything i want so much to be. He was real. and for those who say other wise. i have no kind or tolerant way of saying this. you're wrong. i'm not being belligerent; i'm not being outrageous. i'm loving you. i'm sacrifcing what you may think of me, for you. i'm desperately trying to show you love in the most fantastic way there is. you are precious to me. i think something of you. and for me to put our relationship on the line is a big deal. for me to risk you thinking i'm rude or snobby or whatever lies you're believeing right now is a big deal. if you know me at all you know i'm not even close to being judgemental or not understanding or close-minded. i love you. and anyone who's ever seen a glimpse of the love i'm giving knows it's real. it's not pretty. it's not simple. it's not easy. but it's realhonesttrue. it's someone you've never even met dragging, not walking, dragging his mangled body through a dusty dirty street. with a tree on his back. it wasn't a smooth sanded pretty cross like we see all the time. it was a tree. a splintery, insect-filled dirty tree. it's the same someone. having huge metal nails shoved through his wrists and feet. and those of you with piercings and tattoos. just think of huge rusty nails being shoved all the way through. not just a surface piercing. through tendons, muscles, ligaments. it's Him hanging there by nothing but those gaping wounds probably swollen red and irriated with infection. not to mention all the excess torturing He was going through. thorns, spit, punches, and slaps here and there i'm sure, and the words being thrown at Him. cyber-bullying hasn't got anything on that. and what does he say through all of this. Forgive them. He doesn't condemn them, he doesn't scream at them or curse them or even say anything negative about them. He doesn't complain. He doesn't smite them or threaten them. He loves them. He sees one next to him. He meets him where he's at. hanging there hardly conscious. Tells him that there's a place for him. tells him that He loves him. while He's dying He loves. then He goes through something we will never have to go through. God turns his back on Him. that is one sense of rejection we will never have to feel if we accept LOVE. God is chasing you/ pursuing you/ sprinting after you/ reaching for you. and what did He go through for that. rejection. He spent three days in a tomb. He sat patiently waiting. but He came back. He obliterated/conquered/punched death in the throat for you. He loved you enough to fight for you. to die for you. and you didn't even exist yet. He didn't change His mind. He didn't quit when it got hard. He didn't make up excuses. He didn't make any expectations or requirements for it. that's love. it's so simple just let Him love you. you aren't giving anything up. that's just a lie. the dark one will tell you that. he'll tell you this is a joke. he'll tell you it isn't real. that it isn't fun. that it's just a lot of rules. not true. i did the party scene. i did the dating scene. i tried to fill my life with more than you could imagine. ask me. and i promise you he'll tell you that. and do you know why? because you're a threat. you could do him a lot of damage if you let LOVE in. the dark one doesn't want you happy. he wants you miserable. do you know why? because he is. he wants to destroy you. he wants you continually chasing after things that fill you up for a little while. for things  that feel nice for a little while. but ultimately he doesn't care about you. he sure as hell wouldn't die for you. not even close. but He does. seriously, just try it. what could it hurt. honestly. what could jumping into this for as little as a week hurt? but really really jumping in. not just sticking your toes in and getting scared or having a mental block and wall up against it the whole time. if you're such a risk taker prove it. you want power? you want to be loved? of course you do. you know you do. let Him love you. just do it. you don't have to say some elaborate prayer or speak in tongues. just tell Him that you want Him to love you. that you believe everything He did was real. that He came down here and died for you. and that you've screwed stuff up and you're empty inside and you're sick of only being temporarily filled. tell him you want some long-term satisfaction and you want Him to fill that hole you've got. just try it. i dare you. and if you want to know more go read his love letter. read whatever interests you. want more of His life here go for early New Testament. want more of how Christians should really act go for later New Testament. songwriter? read some Psalms. like quotes? Proverbs. want some battles, love affairs, history jump into the Old Testament. depressed? read Job. when all else fails google it or ask me. i love you, remember.